Betty ford says i'm here all night
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
