dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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