if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
