Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times

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(207): View more from Maine

He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.

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(630): View more from Illinois

At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

(847): View more from Illinois

You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.

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(240): View more from Maryland

SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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(908): View more from New Jersey

And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned

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(541): View more from Oregon

Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Do you have feelings for this penis?

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(716): View more from New York

You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.

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