you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
