cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
