; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
