You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
