im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
