I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
