I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
