At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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