so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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