i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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