Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
