Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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