haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
