i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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