Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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