i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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