I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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