I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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