I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
