she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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