Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
