can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
