guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
