He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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