First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
