it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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