covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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