I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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