they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
