Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
