oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
