I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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