So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
