he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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