i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
