she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize