perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Even my vagina gasped.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
