in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
