just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
