Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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