I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
