CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
