Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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