bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
