Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
