we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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