That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
