after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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