found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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