he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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