I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
