he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
