i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
