i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
