I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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