You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
