So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
