Porn is love you can see.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
