Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
