hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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