I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
