I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
