you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize