u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize