First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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