Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
