Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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