When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
