Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize