She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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