wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
