i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
