after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
