I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
