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are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
