this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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