We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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