none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
