Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
