I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
