I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
