Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
4 words: hood of his car
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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