my phone needs a breathalizer
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
