I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
