Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
