You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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