Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
