My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
