Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
