when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
