i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
